Can We Talk?

I've got a question for you: At this moment, what is your daughter most worried about?

My daughter's turning 13 soon and I consider myself very lucky that for the most part, she'll still talk to me about what's going on in her life and what she's thinking. But we also have many conversations that go like this: "How was school? Fine." "How was practice? Fine." I try not to take it personally when she doesn't feel like talking by reminding myself that adolescence is a time when kids are trying to figure out who they are and who they want to be. Separating from your parents is part of that process.

But just because our girls are pulling away a bit doesn't mean they don't need us. When I was interviewing girls for You'd Be So Pretty If..., one of the things I heard consistently from them was that they want to talk to their moms, but they feel awkward or embarrassed sometimes. The journalist in me dutifully recorded their words and asked them questions about why they felt that way. But the mother in me wanted to hug each one of them and tell them that inside every mom is a girl who still remembers how it feels to be unsure of herself. Watch this video from Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty -- the mother's words toward the end really strike a chord, don't they?  

The push-pull of mothering an adolescent can be confusing, for sure. But don't make the mistake of thinking that she no longer needs you -- or wants you around. Let her know you're always there to listen. She just might take you up on it.

Comments

[Alyssa]

My kids are still very young (my son is 7, my daughter, 5), so we're not there yet. But my niece is 20, and I worry about her sometimes. I worry about all young women, and the messages they are bombarded with, 24/7. And young men, too. What are we teaching our kids?
I think what you say here is SO important! Our kids may act like they don't want us around, but they do.

[Sagan]

This is such a tricky subject... its easy for a kid to get irritated with their parents (just like its easy for a parent to get irritated with their kids!), so sometimes kids will respond with one-word answers. That being said, I love talking with my mum and if she asks questions in an interested manner without leading into a "well this is what I think..." type speech, then I'm more willing to open up. Must admit that I've been known to shut down if she starts offering advice when I don't ask/hint for it. I guess us daughters like to talk :)

[Robin]

"inside every mom is a girl who still remembers how it feels to be unsure of herself."

Oh, man, yes!! My daughter is too young for me to have to worry about this just yet (she is 2.) But I really hope that when the time comes, she will be comfortable enough to share with me. I wish all girls would really understand that their moms were once girls, too.

[Dara Chadwick]

Thanks, Alyssa...I think you're so right about kids wanting us around, even if they act like they don't. Sagan, I always appreciate your perspective and I'm pondering what you've said about advice you didn't ask for. Robin, as a kid, I think it's hard to understand that your parents have been where you are. I don't know about you, but I can still get in touch with my inner 12-year-old.