you'd be so pretty if...

Where's Your Joy?

I'm a huge believer in the power of words -- in how what we say to ourselves about ourselves affects not only who we are today, but who we become tomorrow. Last night, I experienced an incident that's got me thinking about what I say to myself about exercise. Let me explain...

I was maneuvering my shopping cart through the crowded produce section at the grocery store when I rounded a corner and almost smacked into a little girl about three years old. She was standing right in the middle of the aisle, swaying her hips. Her mom saw me and quickly said, "Come on, honey. Move over."

Nothing. She didn't budge.

Her mom grew more insistent. "Come over here now," she said. "You're in the lady's way."

The girl looked at me, then at her mother and said -- in a most exasperated tone -- "Mama...I have to dance."

As I walked away, still laughing, I thought about the last time I'd felt that kind of joy about moving my body. I usually talk about my "workout" -- When am I going to fit in my workout today? Only five more reps and I'm done with my workout. The very word "work" makes it all sound so unappealing, doesn't it?

That little girl reminded me that there was a time when I'd cartwheel and back-flip just because I loved the dizzy sensation. A time when I'd run because I loved the sound the air made as it rushed past my ears. I still love a great dance class, a walk down to the beach at sunset or even a brisk run when I'm in the mood. Those are the times when my "workout" doesn't feel like work at all.

What a great reminder to find the joy in moving our bodies...and that when the joy is gone and exercising is just a chore, it's time to mix it up with something new. If your workout's gone stale, I challenge you to try something new, or revisit something you used to enjoy (ballet class? hula hooping? kickball?). Better yet, how about a game of backyard whiffle ball with the kids?

You might just amaze yourself with how much you love moving your body again.

Pressure and Stress Eating at Psychology Today

Hi, all:

Today, I'm blogging about pressure and stress eating over at Psychology Today. See you back here on Monday.

Have a great weekend! 

We've Come A Long Way, Baby?

Twenty-five years ago, Glamour magazine polled its readers in a survey designed to find out how they really felt about their bodies. Back then, the survey found, 75 percent of women polled felt that they were too fat. The magazine recently updated its body image survey, asking 16,000 women many of the same questions it asked in its original poll.

One of the most interesting statistics?

"Women under 30 are now 22 percent more likely to say that they are happy with their shape than older women are," according to the story. Believe me, I'm thrilled that younger women are becoming more self-accepting. But it makes me sad to think that, ahem, older women are still beating up on themselves and their bodies.

The survey also asked women what made them feel good about their bodies, and I was thrilled to read the results. Many said that exercising and eating healthy foods made them feel good -- even when the number on the scale and their size didn't change. The simple act of treating their bodies well made them more accepting of their size and shape. Fabulous!

How about you? What makes you feel good about the way you look? And are you becoming more or less accepting of your "flaws" as you get older?

Ask the Dietitian: Encouraging Kids to Eat Healthy Foods

I’m thrilled to welcome back Melissa Kirdzik, my Weight-Loss Diary dietitian for Shape magazine. She tells me a client recently asked her a question that’s pretty common for a lot of us moms: “How can I get my child to stop eating so much junk food without seeming like I’m putting her on a diet?”

 

Melissa says: If your child is heading down a path of destructive eating, you want to avoid “diet lingo” and focus on developing a positive relationship with food. Talk to her about how the right foods will help her perform better, whether it’s in school or in sports. Try saying, “How about a banana and peanut butter so you aren’t starving way before lunch time? We can save the Pop Tart for the weekend.” One of my clients even used a little reverse psychology to get her little girl to start taking flax oil: “You must be sneaking my flaxseed oil into your yogurts because your hair is so shiny…you look like a princess.”

 

It’s also a good idea to include your children in meal planning, shopping and cooking to spike their interest in what’s going on the table. If you let your child pick which apple is going to be “theirs,” they’re more likely to eat it.

 

Older kids, especially high-school age, are known for their less-than-optimal food choices. Instead of making the discussion about weight, help her understand that sugary, processed foods can sap her energy and disrupt her concentration and sleep.

 

That’s great advice, Melissa. And I’ll add a bit more: Take a good look at your own eating habits. Are you relying on quick energy bursts from sugary, processed foods? Skipping breakfast and not fueling your body well throughout the day? Filling your kitchen with healthy food choices and occasional treats – and taking care of your body by eating well yourself – will make it easy to show your kids what healthy eating looks like. No “d” word required!

What Are You Planting? at Psychology Today

Today, I'm blogging over at Psychology Today about planting the seeds for a lifetime of healthy eating.

See you back here on Monday!

Body Bullying

No matter what your personal politics may be, if you're a news junkie like me, there's no way you escaped this week's media maelstrom surrounding Meghan McCain, daughter of Senator John McCain, and "conservative" radio host Laura Ingraham. Apparently, Ms. McCain criticized Ann Coulter in a column she writes and in a talk show interview. That made Ingraham mad, and she responded with an attack on -- wait for it -- McCain's weight.

Ladies, does this not take you right back to junior high school?

You can learn more about this fascinating display of human meanness here. There's even a delightful audio clip of Ingraham using her best 80s Valley Girl voice to deliver her weight-related zinger. McCain responded all over the media, including extending an interesting invitation on The View.

Sigh.

I really worry about all the young girls (and women) out there watching this spectacle. Are girls learning that the worth of your opinion is dictated by the size of your behind? Worse, are they learning that when you disagree with another woman and her views, you don't have to concern yourself with silly ideas like standing up for your own opinions and formulating a worthy rebuttal -- just call her fat. That'll show her.

With all the strides made by women in politics and government leadership during my lifetime, it's downright depressing that we're still all too willing to do this to each other.

Unfortunately, girls and women have been using body insults against each other for years. I devoted a whole chapter of my book to this very topic. And while I may not always agree with Meghan McCain and her politics, I sincerely hope she's following some of the best advice I know on the topic of body bullying: Before you take body criticism to heart, take a good look at the source.  

Body Image Comes to Broadway

Last summer, as I was driving in my car listening to NPR, I happened to catch this fantastic interview with playwright Neil LaBute. At that time, I was just putting the finishing touches on my about-to-be-released book on how mothers shape the body image of their daughters and I'll admit I was so captivated, I almost had to pull over. As chance would have it, LaBute's play, Reasons to Be Pretty, is about to open on Broadway and since I'll be in New York in a few more weeks, I'm really hoping I can talk someone into seeing it with me.

Check out the hilarious video on body image at the play's Web site. My favorite line? The guy -- who when asked if he would wear a thong in public -- said basically that it "depends on the neighborhood." It's funny, sure, but the video is also an intriguing little glimpse into just how pervasive body image concerns are -- among both women and men. 

P.S. On an entirely different note, check out the Publishers Weekly review of my book (scroll down through the reviews to the Parenting section to find it).

Man In The Mirror at Psychology Today

When's the last time you looked in the mirror and said, "I'm good with it?" Today, I'm blogging over at Psychology Today.

See you back here on Monday...happy weekend! 

Altered Realities

On Monday, I wrote a post about Barbie and her effect on the body image of women and girls; mostly, I wrote about how important it is for moms to talk with their girls about how women's bodies are portrayed around them, whether it's a doll, a poster, a photo or some other media image. With enough conversation, I firmly believe we can teach our daughters -- and ourselves -- to critically evaluate what they see and not simply accept these images as a reality that they should be striving to achieve. 

Not sure how to start the conversation? Check out this video from the New York Times.

The Barbie Brouhaha

Today is officially the 50th birthday of Mattel's Barbie doll and you know what that means...the Internet is abuzz with stories about all the ways that Barbie causes low self-esteem and body image issues in girls and women. I'll admit that while I played with Barbie dolls for a short time during my childhood, I was way more into my Sunshine Family dollhouse -- that groovy, happy family of hippies -- than I was into Barbie and all her associated glamour. In fact, my mother was none too pleased with me when I sold all of my Barbies and their "stuff" -- including a big pink plastic bus -- to a friend who lived a few streets over. My asking price? A few dollars.

But I digress...

Back to the issue of Barbie and whether she's harmful to the female body image. Here's my not-too-exciting answer: Maybe. You all know by now that I'm a common-sense kind of gal; if you've got a little girl who plays with Barbie non-stop and has begun talking about how she wants to look like Barbie, then maybe you've got a budding problem. But a little girl who plays with a doll and then puts the doll away to go out and run around with a soccer ball? Not so much.

The key, I think, is talking and as my kids will attest, I will talk and talk until I'm sure they hear me. You certainly don't have to launch into a discourse about cultural implications and society's oppression of women with a five-year-old. However, it's not entirely inappropriate to bring these topics up subtly in an age-appropriate way. For example, sitting down to play Barbies with a three-year-old might involve a discussion of what Barbie's going to have for lunch -- just as a reminder that healthy women do, in fact, eat. An older girl might enjoy a simple discussion about toy design that could start with the question, "If you were going to make a doll for other girls to play with, what would she look like?" The great thing about interacting with kids is that there are many ways to open the door to these topics...you just have to let their answers be your guide.

I get asked a lot about media images and their effect on body image and it's a topic I address in my book. My mantra is that all of these images -- Barbie included -- have the potential to be harmful if girls are left alone with them. What girls need most from us isn't heavy-handed declarations; instead, they need context. They need to know that Barbie represents one team of toy designers' 50-year-old thoughts about women and beauty. If you and I were both asked to paint a beautiful sunset, our pictures might have some of the same elements, but they wouldn't look the same. It's all about perception and interpretation.

Girls can get that concept...but they need moms to guide them. So the next time your daughter brings out the Barbie dolls, get down on the floor and play with her. It's a window into her world and a great way to subtly shape how she sees herself and her place in the world.