Did you happen to catch this recent segment on the Today Show that proclaimed "40 is the new 20?" Essentially a run-down of gorgeous "older" celebrities -- including a 48-year-old, bikini-clad Valerie Bertinelli on the cover of People magazine -- the piece focused on the increasing attention paid to more, ahem, mature beauties.
While I appreciate the sentiment behind "40 is the new 20," something about that phrase just doesn't feel right to me. Maybe it's because, at 41, there's not much I miss about being 20...except maybe a lack of post-baby stretch marks. At 20, I was young and cute for sure, but I was also filled with seemingly never-ending angst about my life and my self. Back then, I ruminated on whether I'd ever marry and have a family, find success in a career I loved and even take charge of my own decisions. Every little problem and concern seemed to be of monumental importance back then; in fact, I was just having this discussion yesterday with one of my best friends, whose daughter is at the age of painful questioning. We both agreed: It's too bad that at that age, you lack the wisdom to know that there's a life beyond all that self-doubt and angst.
At 41, most of the questions I worried so much about have been answered. Family? Check. Career? Check. If I had to name the one thing I most miss about being 20, it wouldn't be my firmer thighs and smoother skin. It would be the sense of raw possibility. When none of life's big questions have yet been decided, the options are endless.
When phrases like "40 is the new 20" get tossed around, there's the potential for women to feel even more pressure to be something they're not. After all, if Valerie Bertinelli can wear a bikini at 48, why can't the rest of us? The danger is in creating yet another unattainable "body goal" for women to strive for -- and berate themselves for not achieving. If we're constantly focused on reclaiming our youthful looks and body, what does that teach our daughters about healthy aging? I like to think that by 40, we've more than earned the right to let go of some idealized version of who we should be and simply embrace who we are.
AMEN!!!!!!
Ms. Bertinelli looks that way because, as she says, she runs on the treadmill for an hour EVERY DAY and limits herself to 1200 calories a day. It's unhealthy, and it won't last. Eventually her system will break down, if she keeps this up.
But she has lived and worked in Hollywood since she was a young girl. She probably doesn't know any other way to be. People have focused on her appearance, positively and negatively, her entire life.
I think we have to ask our girls and OURSELVES if it's worth it: Is looking hot in a bikini really worth giving up the things in our lives we enjoy? Is it worth the obsessive behavior that comes along with it?
Me? I wouldn't be 20 again if you paid me millions! WAAAAY too much drama, lol! I'm MUCH happier now, just a few months shy of 40. I may not have the body I had back then, but I don't have the eating disorder, either.
Posted by: Alyssa | 04/01/2009 at 11:47 AM
Wouldn't trade 40 for 20 and I have NO desire to wear a bikini! I'd like to think most of us feel that way. Maybe they're trying to sell 20 somethings on the prospects of 40...
Posted by: Kara from Mama Sweat | 04/01/2009 at 12:51 PM
So true that it really puts the pressure on people. Me, I'm having fun with being 20 right now! It's all about being present. But when I'm 40 I don't think I'll want to be mistaken for a 20 year old; I think we all need to be ourselves without constantly trying to be something we're not.
Though it's funny, I'm sorta the opposite from what you were worried about- my fears are more "eek, I'm supposed to get a family/career?!" as I run in the other direction. Woot, fear of commitment! Hehe.
Posted by: Sagan | 04/02/2009 at 04:58 PM
Alyssa, you make a great point about the "obsessive" behavior required to maintain a certain physique. That's something completely different from making a commitment to be healthy with eating and exercise.
Kara, interesting idea about "selling 20-somethings on being 40." ;-).
Sagan, you're too cute. Don't worry, there's plenty of time to commit later.
Posted by: Dara Chadwick | 04/06/2009 at 05:59 AM