you'd be so pretty if...

Our TODAY Show Debut

My daughter and I are back from New York City, where we were recently interviewed by Ann Curry on NBC's TODAY Show. See the video here.

Your Body or Your Life?

From a health standpoint, there's not much that I find more disturbing than seeing teens and young adults smoking. I grew up in a household where both parents smoked; in fact, before it became illegal for kids to buy cigarettes, I spent a lot of time running into convenience stores to buy cigarettes for my mother: "Two packs of Kent 100s, please" rolled easily off my tongue by the age of eight or so.

A horrible health example, for sure. But I also remember her repeatedly telling me, "If I'd known then what I know now about the dangers of smoking, I would have never started."

To her credit, my mom gave up smoking when I was in college (my dad also gave up the habit, although he smoked a pipe). It wasn't easy for her. She felt awful and, yes, she gained some weight. But she never smoked again. Still, the damage to her lungs was done. And in the end, it contributed to her failing health.

When I hear stories of girls and young women relying on cigarettes as a weight-control measure, it makes me sort of crazy. I've been thinking about all this because Temple University released a study last week that looked at the smoking habits and weight gain of women ages 18 to 24, and assigned the women to either a group exercise program or body image group counseling sessions. After eight weeks, according to the study, the body image counseling group showed a rate of smoking cessation that was more than double that of the exercise group. It was a small study, but the results seem to indicate that helping women deal with a very real fear of weight gain can help them make the choice not to smoke.

All of this begs the question of why women would choose to sacrifice health for a slimmer body. And it's not just smoking -- the same might be said of diets that focus on a certain food to the exclusion of others or excessive exercise to the point of bodily damage. What about a balanced, moderate approach to good health?

We all know there are no guarantees in life. People who've made all the "right" health choices still get sick, while some people who've made every questionable health choice you can imagine live to be 100. But consistently making poor choices to keep the number on the scale down seems a bit like playing with fire to me.

What do you think?

How Important Is What You Wear?

I've got a confession to make: I struggle with what to wear.

I know, I know...someone who writes about body image and the importance of accepting your body ought not to have these struggles. But hear me out on this -- shopping and dressing have become more difficult for me because now I actually care about what I put on my body. Back when I was truly unhappy with myself, oversized and shapeless were the way to go (hide-ability was my biggest deciding factor in making a clothing purchase) and frankly, there's not a lot of effort involved in hiding. But now that I'm in a place of knowing that I'm the best "me" I can be, I want the body I live in to look its best -- and that requires more shopping effort.

That's why I love the TLC show What Not To Wear. Sure, it's goofy and hokey sometimes, but I love the show's emphasis on the value of looking your best -- no matter what your size. I also love that Stacy London and Clinton Kelly acknowledge that shopping can be hard work and a great effort, especially for women who don't like to shop (that would be me).

The Washington Post ran a great interview with Stacy London this week, in which she reflects on this very topic. My favorite line from the interview? "Whether you're as healthy as you should be or not, that doesn't disallow you to look your best," London told columnist Jennifer Huget. "Style is only possible from a place of self-acceptance."  

I love that.

When I find myself frustrated in a store, I try to remind myself that it's always worth the effort to dress my body well. What do you think? Is clothing an important part of your body image?

TODAY Show Interviews On Body Image This Week

If you're interested in being interviewed about body image (or know a woman, teen or tween who might be) on NBC's TODAY Show and you're in the NYC area this Friday, the contact form is here.

Thanks so much for all your support :-).

NBC's TODAY Show seeks women, tweens and teens for body image segment

If you've ever wanted to make your television debut -- or know a woman, tween or teen who
has -- here's your big chance. NBC News TODAY is working on a segment about how moms
influence their daughter's body image. You don't have to be a mom to be interviewed --
the producers are looking for women, as well as tweens and teens, to share their thoughts
about how they view their own bodies, how that view has evolved (or not) and what your
mom said or did over the years which may have influenced that. If you are a mom to a teen
or tween daughter, the producers are interested in asking how you support her and what
pitfalls you face in doing so.

The catch to all this? You have to move fast! Interviews will be done throughout this week at 30 Rockefeller Plaza in NYC.

Moms and their daughters are welcome to come together, but interviews will be done
separately. Interested teens and tweens will need a signed release form (available at the
studio), whether they come with their moms or not.

The plan is for this segment to run in conjunction with a spot about my new book, You'd Be So Pretty If...: Teaching Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies -- Even When We Don't Love Our Own. Though I won't be there for the interview taping this week, I will be there when the interviews air so it'll be like we finally got a chance to meet ;-).

Interested? Contact Producer Meredith Phillips Reis at 212-664-5225 or by email at
Meredith.Reis@NBCUNI.com.

Monday Morning Inspiration

By now, you've probably seen this amazing video of Susan Boyle's recent performance on Britain's Got Talent. At 47, Susan doesn't exactly look the part of what we've come to expect from a commercially successful pop singer. In fact, if you watch the clip, you'll see that from the moment she walks on stage, there's quite a bit of eyebrow raising, eye rolling and smug disbelief, not only from the judges, but also from the audience. Then, of course, she opens her mouth to sing and the rest is You Tube history.

What I found most telling was when the female judge referred to Susan's performance as a "wake up call." That really gets to the heart of it, doesn't it? We've all done it -- judged someone on their capabilities (and dare I say even their worthiness, sometimes?) solely on the way they look. But rarely do we see that ugly side of our collective selves so openly displayed.

When I ponder my own body image struggles over the course of my life, I think that ultimately, this is what it all comes down to: the fear that who I am and what I can do will be overshadowed by my outer "imperfections," even if they only exist in MY mirror. Think of how many women impose limitations on themselves -- how many Susan Boyles are out there, never taking their place at center stage simply because they fear they'll be judged -- as Susan was -- on the way they look.

How does Susan feel about all this hoopla?

Watch this clip in which Larry King asks if she'll change her appearance. "Why should I?" she tells him. "It would take away my identity." 

Surely, this is why Susan Boyle has become an Internet sensation. We're all inspired by her willingness to stand there and be judged in the name of chasing her dream.

I, for one, hope she gets it.

The Bare Truth About Beauty at Psychology Today

Today, I'm blogging about the power of unenhanced media images over at Psychology Today.

Have a great weekend...see you back here on Monday! 

Scarlett Johansson and 'Meeting Your Maximum Potential'

As someone who's had a front-row seat to what goes on behind the glossy images of "perfection" to which women and girls so often compare themselves, I feel a special affection for celebrities who come right out and say, "Hey, I'm a normal woman with my own share of problems, pressures and insecurities." I've long been a fan of Kate Winslet for her willingness to share her feelings about her own body and the pressures that Hollywood puts on women.

Today, I'm adding another celebrity to my list of body image warriors: Scarlett Johansson. If you missed her recent Huffington Post piece about body image and the media, take a moment to read it now.

Go ahead...I'll wait. 

Sure, celebrities have a staff dedicated to helping them look great at all times (and, yes, I know they make a ton of money and live glamorous lives). But they also face pressure that most women can barely imagine. Think about what it would be like to have a gaggle of tabloid photographers trailing you as you take the kids to the bus stop in the morning (perhaps still in your PJs) or when you run out to the grocery store for a last-minute forgotten ingredient (in ponytail and sweats, maybe). Then imagine those pictures splashed across the pages of tabloid papers in the grocery checkout line, complete with headlines picking apart your physical form.

Frightening, no?

Personally, I loved the part where she said, "People come in all shapes and sizes and everyone has the capability to meet their maximum potential." That one sentence so eloquently sums up what I learned during my year as Shape magazine's Weight-Loss Diary columnist -- and the message I'm trying to pass on to my daughter. Meeting my maximum potential is not about an unhealthy diet to get to some magical number on a scale or two-hour daily workouts designed to whip one particular body part into shape. It's about a commitment to consistently taking good care of the body I have and to reminding myself that it's not about an endless pursuit of somebody else's idea of beautiful. It's about me living a healthy and happy life, and teaching my children to do the same.

Thanks, Scarlett, for getting us talking -- once again -- about the pressures we put on ourselves and each other.

Finding the Culture of Acceptance

As I was reading through different studies and news reports the other day, I came across this news item about Mexican-American women and their body image. The most telling line? "They are more confident in their curves and those who diet do it more to avoid illness than to look good in their clothing..." Then there's this item from the Times Online, talking about the fact that once again, curves are in (albeit with an apparently whole new set of rules about what curvy women can and can't wear, but that's a post for another day). Still, it's all got me thinking about trends -- they certainly come and go in fashion, but do they come and go in body image, too? 

When it comes to bodies and what's considered "attractive," it all depends on where you are, who you are and the cultural values of the person doing the evaluating. I had a childhood friend who, while perfectly healthy, always felt that she was too big. But one summer, she took a trip with her family to her mom's native Italy and came back a changed young lady. Not in physical form, mind you, but in attitude. The Italian boys loved her curvy frame and her family couldn't get over just how beautiful she was. When she returned to the U.S., she was a different person: Confident and charismatic.

To this day, that remains one of my favorite body image stories because it illustrates so clearly that at any point, we can choose to see ourselves in a new way -- and that what we choose to see has a ripple effect throughout our lives. It gives me hope that girls raised in families where they feel accepted and "just right" -- and have moms (and dads) who feel the same way -- can carry that feeling with them and use it to shake off the body angst that swirls around them in our media culture.

As moms, we play a big part in creating a culture of acceptance within our homes. It starts with accepting ourselves. Can't look in the mirror without fixating on your biggest "flaw?" Try imagining for just one day that whatever you see as your biggest flaw is actually a sign of great beauty to those around you. Jiggly thighs? Gorgeous! Round middle? Envied by others!

I hope you're smiling by now because I know it sounds silly. But imagine carrying that attitude with you as you go about your day. Think it wouldn't matter? Remember my friend's trip to Italy and how all the things she didn't like about herself were suddenly valued and desirable.

Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

Are You The Same Parent To All Your Kids? at Psychology Today

Hi, all:

Today, I'm blogging about whether I'm the same mother to both of my children at Psychology Today. I'll be back here on Monday with a new post.

Have a great weekend and happy Easter to all who celebrate!