you'd be so pretty if...

More Body Image Heroes

Last week, I wrote about Jonny Diaz, a young male Christian singer who's become an unusual body image hero with his song, "More Beautiful You." Yesterday, I read about some more body image heroes that I'd like you to know about. They're the Red Wing GO GIRLS -- a group of 11 teenagers from Red Wing, MN -- and they're heading off to the island of Fiji to spread their positive body image message.

Why Fiji? In the 1990s, Dr. Anne Becker studied and documented a rise in eating disorders and body dissatisfaction after Western television was introduced to the nation. So the GO GIRLS (Giving Our Girls Inspiration and Resources for Lasting Self-Esteem) are raising money to head to Fiji and talk to teens about their experiences with the media and body image. The group's goal is to educate peers and adults about media and the influence it has on the way people feel about their bodies.  

Isn't that great?

According to the Red Wing Republican Eagle newspaper, the girls plan to share information about their trip when they return -- and they're already scheduled to present at the annual National Eating Disorders Association Conference.

All I can say is, you go girls!

"Proportion Distortion" at Psychology Today

Today, I'm blogging about "proportion distortion" at Psychology Today. 

I'll see you back here on Monday with a brand-new post.

Have a great weekend! 

An Unlikely Body Image Hero

Body image heroes sometimes appear in the most unlikeliest places and forms -- like in the form of a young male Christian singer, for example. I'm talking about Jonny Diaz and his new hit song, "More Beautiful You." In fact, Jonny himself seems a little surprised by how this song has struck a nerve with girls and women everywhere. It doesn't surprise me, though. Anyone who's ever been uncomfortable in her own skin can appreciate its message -- you're beautiful, just as you are.

I heard about Jonny's song recently when somebody sent me a link to it. No matter what your personal beliefs may be, it's a beautiful song with a lovely sentiment.  

Watch Jonny sing it live here. And share it with every girl and woman you know. 

When Do You Love Your Body?

This weekend, my daughter played in the first of a series of softball tournaments that will last just about all summer. I love watching her play. It's amazing to see the difference in her skill level from year to year. Her powerful swing at the plate, the speed with which she rounds the bases now -- she's learning to appreciate the athletic body that she's developed through playing softball.

It's a beautiful thing for a mom to watch. It's also something I can relate to personally.

In all the years that I struggled with my feelings about my body, there was always one time I could count on feeling good about it -- after a workout. There's something about the challenge of a workout that's always been a body image booster for me. Even at my heaviest, I always walked out of the gym or dance studio feeling pretty good about myself. Frankly, I think it's hard to feel down about a body that you've just challenged.

Not everybody feels that way, of course, and sometimes it's hard to explain. That's why I was so thrilled to read this interesting essay by Kelly Turner, a personal trainer, ex-bulimic and terrific blogger. There's a section in Kelly's essay that sums up exactly what I mean. She wrote about her work as a trainer: "...[People] start to feel better about themselves before they drop a single pound. They start to feel better for having made a healthy lifestyle change, sticking with something consistently anddoing something just for themselves. They discover they can be happy without hitting that goal, because the weight isn't the issue." 

Living a healthy lifestyle and taking care of the bodies we have is a big part of the message of my book,  You'd Be So Pretty If... For me, that's the key to being content with my body -- knowing that I'm taking good care of myself. I'm not talking about obsessive gym workouts or rigid eating plans. I'm talking about finding a physical activity that you simply enjoy. 

That's the behavior I want to model for my daughter -- and it's the behavior she's modeling for me. I love seeing her tired and happy after giving her best effort at a track meet or playing a demanding softball game. Like her mom, she's learning that putting her body to the test -- and meeting that challenge -- can help her feel great about the body she has. And watching her play a game she loves reminds me that a "workout" doesn't need to feel like work.

'A Fresh Set of Eyes' at Psychology Today

Today, I'm blogging about seeing yourself with a fresh set of eyes over at Psychology Today.

Have a great weekend...see you back here on Monday with a brand-new post.

Re-defining Perfect

On Monday, I wrote a post about the elusive concept of "perfection" and how damaging it can be when we make perfection our goal -- whether it's our bodies, our careers, our relationships or any other aspect of our lives. Today, I want you to stop and think about perfection for a minute. For me, when something is perfect, it's just...perfect. There's really nowhere else to go with it. Perfect is actually quite generic, when you think about it, with nothing to distinguish it beyond its "perfect" label.  

Perfect, dare I say it, is also sort of boring.

It's why I like to watch college basketball, but you'll rarely catch me watching the NBA. It's why I'll always choose a live recording by my favorite artist over the smooth studio version. It's why candid photos of my kids are almost always my most treasured, even though I've shelled out big bucks for professional portraits. The flaws, rough edges and unguarded moments are what make things interesting and beautiful in their own unique way.

It's tempting to want to hold our bodies to a higher standard, but look around you. Rarely do you see an image of "perfection" walking down the street. But I'm willing to bet that if I ask you to, you can find something beautiful or interesting about every person you see today. It's all about what you choose to see.

Re-defining "perfect" is something each of us can do every day.

For an interesting take on what "real" women's bodies look like, read this post by Chris at Formerly Fun. 

The Problem With 'Perfection'

It's wedding season and you know what that means...across the country, bride after bride is trying on dresses, seeing to details and dreaming of how "perfect" she'll look and how "perfect" things will be as she starts her new life with her "perfect" groom.

I'll give those of you who've been married for a while a moment to stop giggling and catch your breath.

The problem with perfection is that it simply doesn't exist. Fortunately, it isn't required for happiness. Years ago, my husband gave me a card that said something to the effect of "Neither of us is perfect, but we're perfect for each other."

I love that sentiment. Things don't have to be perfect to be right.

It's a sentiment we can apply to our bodies, too. Read this delightful post from Lululemon Athletica -- I love the line that says, "Our bodies shape the type of athletes that we become." It's not about molding our bodies into some arbitrary image of "perfection." Instead, it's about embracing the body that is ours and respecting its role in our lives.

But back to those brides...I recently stopped by the blog of Sharon Naylor Toris, a delightful colleague and prolific author of wedding guides, to answer some questions about choosing a dress for your flower girl or junior bridesmaid. 

Happy "imperfect" wedding to all!

'How to Stop Hating Your Body' at Psychology Today

Today, I'm blogging over at Psychology Today about "How to Stop Hating Your Body."

Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here on Monday with a new post!

Body Image & Reality TV

Have you heard the news that Jessica Simpson is said to be pitching a body image reality show to TV networks? The show, tentatively titled "The Price of Beauty," will supposedly follow Simpson and a friend as they travel across the country seeking to define what people find beautiful and why. Not a bad concept, all in all. I think it'd be really interesting to hear what people find beautiful and to see if that's affected by things like region, culture and socioeconomic status.

I'm not sure that's entirely what this show would do, though. According to the story, Simpson and her friend will "try out some of the shocking and drastic measures women take to make their bodies more beautiful."

Hmmm.

As you all know by now, I'm all for talking about body image. But did you see this recent New York Times piece on celebrity weight battles? Read through some of the comments to get a feel for what people really think about all this.

I think "reality" shows that focus on a) living a healthy lifestyle and b) accepting and making the most of the body you have are great. That's why I love TLC's What Not to Wear. Sure, Stacey and Clinton can be harsh sometimes, but one thing they don't do is let women beat up on themselves and their bodies. Like the show or not, there's no denying that it sets a great example of working toward body acceptance.

That's something we can all use more of.

P.S. Speaking of TV, I made my own appearance on FOX's The Rhode Show this morning. 

Is Body Image 'Serious Stuff'?

A reader commented on my recent Psychology Today post about what moms can do to help their tween daughters feel better about their bodies, essentially implying that the approach of talking to young girls about their body concerns leads them to believe that body image is, as the commenter put it, "Serious Stuff" to adults.

I've been pondering that comment all weekend. Should a child's body image be "Serious Stuff" to a parent? Is body image something serious?

It is. And it isn't.

Let's start with the "isn't" part. Clearly, there are a great many things in life -- ending war and poverty, feeding the hungry, curing disease, protecting our planet -- that are (rightfully so) more important than what we look like and how we feel about how we look. Spending one's days peering into a mirror and contemplating the width of one's thighs is a colossal waste of a person's time, talents, energy and resources.

And that, I think, is exactly why body image is "Serious Stuff."

I have a sneaking suspicion that those who can't understand why it's important to be at peace with your body -- and to help your daughter be at peace with hers -- have never been that girl whose body loathing is so great that she won't raise her hand in class because to have to walk to the front of the classroom and present her work invites the judgment of her peers. Or the woman who won't put herself in the running for a promotion because her new position would involve public speaking and thus standing up in front of others. Or the teenage girl who has convinced herself that she's so hideous -- that her "flaws" make her so unlovable -- that she'll take the abuse of a boy who's all too happy to use her own self-hatred as a weapon against her.

I don't want to give the impression that I think we should all be talking about body image all the time with our girls, using everything and anything as a teachable body image moment. On the contrary, I'm a firm believer that a mom's quiet example of self-acceptance and healthy self-care helps create an environment where girls can learn to put their bodies into perspective. And when other influences -- peers, the media, boys -- make their way into a girl's psyche, a mom who models a healthy body image for her daughter goes a long way toward buffering those outside influences.

Is a lot of this common sense? Sure. Am I humorless about all of this? Absolutely not. But am I serious about its importance?

You better believe it.