A Word About Boys...

In honor of my son -- who's home sick again today for the fourth day in a row -- I thought I'd take a moment to address the topic of boys and body image. On Monday, I wrote a post about remembering my time in the eighth grade, now that my daughter is an eighth-grader, too. 

Reader Molly commented, "I would add that women should do the same for their sons - they learn a lot about what to value (and expect and accept) in women from their mothers."

That's very true, and I'm glad Molly brought it up.

When I took my son to the doctor Monday night, he stepped up on the scale and found that he'd gained six pounds since his last visit. As he stepped off the scale, he looked over at me and I had the sudden feeling that he was watching my face for a reaction. "Is that bad or OK?" I could almost hear him thinking.

Of course, it's OK. What isn't OK is that growing children have somehow been made to feel that putting on weight is inherently wrong.

Because of my own body image history, I'm quite aware of how my feelings toward my body affect my daughter's body image. But as Molly points out, we can't forget that our feelings affect our sons, too. Not only do boys have their own concerns about their bodies -- Am I too fat? Why aren't my muscles bigger? -- they're also learning lessons of their own about what's important to women and how women should look. In the Jeffrey Zaslow article I mentioned in Monday's post, Zaslow quoted one fourth-grade boy as saying, "Fat girls aren't like regular girls. They aren't attractive." 

As moms, we create expectations in our sons -- consciously or not. I'm forever grateful to my mother-in-law for expecting my husband to iron his own clothes and clean up after himself when he was a teen. Because she expected him to do those things for himself, he doesn't expect me to do those things for him now.

We can also create healthy body expectations in our sons. By honoring our bodies, treating them healthfully and speaking kindly about them, we can teach our sons to honor the bodies of the women they'll someday love.

Comments

[Tiffani]

Great post! I don't have a son, but I have nephews, and this is definitely something all boys need to be taught.

[Alyssa]

Amen!

[Andrea]

Great post, I totally agree with you. Popular knowledge holds that girls struggle more with body image than boys, but I think boys are feeling more pressure these days to achieve a certain body type, too. The growth of the fitness industry has advertisers sending the message that boys and men need to have rock-hard, muscular bodies, which are totally attainable if they buy certain products.

[Dara Chadwick]

Thanks for chiming in, everybody! So interesting to compare the different experiences of boys vs. girls when it comes to body image.