No 'Fat Talk' During Pregnancy

If ever there was a time to avoid "fat talk" and simply focus on good health, it's during pregnancy and after giving birth. But too many women feel they not only have to be the perfect mother, they have to look perfect while doing it! I'm so thrilled to welcome Claire Mysko and Magali Amadei to talk about their new book, Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat?

Why is pregnancy such a vulnerable time for women in terms of body image?

Claire: It's a time of incredible transformation. Your body goes through so many changes and at the same time you are preparing for your whole life to change. I think that sometimes our fixation on weight gain during pregnancy and weight loss after birth is really linked to the deeper anxieties that can come up: Loss of control, feelings of isolation and perfectionism (Am I doing this right? Will I be a good enough mother?).

Magali: Unfortunately, obsession with weight during and after pregnancy is totally reinforced in our culture, which keeps us from talking about all the real issues. It was quite an eye-opener when everyone from friends to colleagues started asking me how much I had gained during my pregnancy and how I planned to lose it after giving birth. It was suddenly this acceptable (and expected) topic of conversation! The scale was also the centerpiece of every doctor's visit. Yet no one ever asked me how I was feeling, how I was handling all the emotions of pregnancy and becoming a first-time mom.

How have celebrity pregnancies – and post-partum experiences – affected the body image and expectations of the average pregnant woman?

Magali: The huge increase in media coverage of celebrity pregnancies is another example of how women are constantly hearing the message that weight and appearance should be our number one priority. It's all about what the stars are eating, where they're shopping, and how fast they can shed the pounds after childbirth. Most women we interviewed for the book are aware that celebrities have more resources (they can afford trainers, nannies, stylists, and personal chefs), but that doesn't necessarily make it easier to hear about how they're back in their bikinis six weeks after giving birth.

Claire: It's important to remember that these stories are always about selling us something. That's why we hear about this A-lister's "exact" diet plan or that reality star's "secrets" to getting in shape. Just last week, People ran the predictable "Heidi Klum's Body After Baby" headline. What's interesting is that Heidi actually talks about how she's trying take it easy this time and not worry about getting right back on the runway. And yet the article still manages to slip in a description of how she ate during pregnancy, the name of her trainer, and the frequency of her workouts when she did the Victoria's Secret fashion show less than two months after giving birth to her son in 2005. Maybe we should all take a hint from the fact that she's not up for doing that again! And Jessica Alba, who was widely lauded for dropping her baby weight in a heartbeat, told Elle magazine that she was miserable about getting back in shape for a child right after childbirth, that she hated the workouts and would much rather be at home with her new baby than at the gym. If celebrities find the Hollywood postbaby body timeline grueling and hard to manage, then it's certainly an unhealthy standard for other pregnant women and new moms to measure ourselves against.

What’s your best advice for pregnant women and new moms for accepting their changing bodies?

1.Try to gain a new perspective on your body. Pregnancy and childbirth can teach us to appreciate what our bodies can DO and get us away from scrutinizing our flaws. Nurturing a human to life is a reminder that our bodies are powerful and they can work some serious magic. We need to ground ourselves in that knowledge when we have those "yuck, my stretch marks or saggy skin" moments.

2. Ask for support and don't get caught up in the numbers game. The focus on weight and the body during pregnancy and after childbirth can be overwhelming, especially for women who have histories of body image issues, disordered eating and eating disorders. Disclose your concerns to your healthcare provider and if he or she doesn't respond with sensitivity and compassion, find someone who does. You can even ask your doctor not to discuss your weight with you unless that number is relevant to a medical issue (that's the approach we've both taken with our doctors).

If you find yourself feeling anxious, insecure, or slipping into unhealthy habits, reach out. Sometimes women are afraid to let on that they aren't the picture of the perfect, happy, glowing pregnant woman or blissed out new mommy. But staying silent when you're suffering will only make matters worse.

3. Don't compare yourself to glossy (and most likely retouched) images of celebrity moms and moms-to-be. We don't get to see many examples of what women's bodies really look like, especially after childbirth. Remember, that's when most mothers are at home healing and trying to get a handle on caring for a newborn. Avoid the tabloid stories selling quick fixes and praising the celebs who came home from the hospital in their skinny jeans. Instead, turn to the moms you know, trust, and respect to give you a reality check.

4. Remember that your own body confidence will impact your child. We define body confidence as the belief that you are most beautiful when you are healthy--both in body and mind. It's not about a goal weight or a mission to mold or shape shape yourself. It's about taking care of yourself. And when we truly embrace that idea, we can teach our children to embrace it too.

5. Sign the Healthy Beauty Pledge for Mothers and Mothers-to-Be:
http://healthybeautypledge.com/

Thanks, Claire and Magali, for stopping by to chat about this important topic!

Comments

[Karen Bannan]

I think it's pretty terrible that people put their noses in where they don't belong. I also think it's hard for a woman to see celebrities whittle down to size 2 right after giving birth.

I had the opposite problem. As someone who worked out a lot and ate right all through my pregnancy I didn't gain a lot. I gained 19 pounds for both my pregnancies. But that caused different problems. I had rude people asking me if I was gaining enough weight. One woman at my older daughter's school actually asked me if my doctor was worried about me because I couldn't be gaining enough weight--I looked too skinny.

I delivered big, healthy babies both times I was pregnant: my first daughter was 8 pounds, 5 ounces. My second daughter was 7 pounds, 3 ounces. Obviously, I was doing something right.

[Alyssa]

It's amazing how a pregnant body suddenly becomes public domain! During my pregnancies, complete strangers would get in my face and DEMAND to know if I planned to breastfeed. Others would ask me what my birth plan was, whether I was going to have a home water birth with a doula, etc. (Um, yeah, right! With the HMO I had at the time, they would've given me a kiddie pool and a hose and wished me luck!)
Later, after I'd lost the weight (which took over a year the first time, and 2 years the second) people would beg me to give them the "secret" to the weight loss. It wasn't a secret; I worked out, ate healthy food, and chased after 2 very young kids!
Personally, I hope that the next time an "A-list" celeb gets pregnant, she refuses to lose the weight quickly and decides to take care of herself and her baby, instead.

[Dara Chadwick]

So true, Karen and Alyssa...people will say the most outrageous things to pregnant women! I, too, would like to see a celebrity mom address the reality of "getting her body back."

[LG]

Thanks for this article - it was interesting and helpful as someone who is planning to start a family soon.