Who Is That? It's the New You!

Last Wednesday, I wrote this post exploring how women feel about aging, a topic that seemed to strike a chord with many readers. I made the point that age is more about how you feel than the number of candles on your birthday cake.

Still, though...no matter how young we feel, time and our different life experiences do bring changes to our bodies.

I'm now at the age my mother was when I was a teenager and every so often, if I glance in the mirror with my head tilted at just the right angle, I see her face looking back at me. It's startling, I admit. It's not that I ever thought of my mom as "old" when I was a teen -- it's just that, inside, it's hard to believe I'm middle-aged. 

But I am...and I've got a teenager of my own.

While we may rationally know that aging happens to every body, those changes can be dismaying when we see them happening in ourselves. My skin gets really dry during the winter and just the other day, I looked down at my hand and thought, "Are my hands starting to look like old lady hands?"

Yesterday, I came across this Q&A with Gok Wan, the British host of "How to Look Good Naked." In it, he answers a question from a woman who, having gained weight over time, claimed to have been shocked when she saw her reflection in a mirror recently. I loved Wan's response. He said that a woman's body is constantly changing and "If you are suddenly surprised by your reflection, it means that you have ignored the change. You need to form a relationship with the mirror again."

That's the key, I think. For many of us, thinking about aging and the related changes it brings to our bodies (and our body image) makes us want to put our hands over our ears and say, "La la la la...I can't hear you." We look in the mirror and say, "Who is that?!" We think of aging as "losing our looks," rather than focusing on the positives that getting older can bring.

Like what?

For one thing, getting older brings most of us a truer sense of who we are -- and that brings with it a freedom from meeting the expectations of others. Think about that. In your teens, 20s and maybe even your 30s, maybe you were so caught up in how others saw you that you worried about having the "right" clothes, the "right" body or the "right" look. In my experience, that stuff has started to fall away as I've gotten older. My attitude now is, "This is what works for me." Those who don't like it simply fade away and really, I don't miss them.

I liked Wan's advice to "form a relationship with the mirror again." I second it. But instead of looking for the woman who used to be there, take a moment to notice -- really notice -- the woman who's there today. Don't forget: A healthy attitude toward getting older and an acceptance of who we are in any given moment is one of the greatest role model gifts we can give to our daughters -- and to the other women around us.

Let go of who you were and get to know the new you. You might just like her. 

Comments

[Sagan]

I think that's that is really important: knowing who YOU are and being in touch with your current self.

[Julie]

What great advice. It's all about being present IN the present.

[Alyssa]

Very good advice.
When I look in the mirror I expect to see a 12 year-old, because that is my maturity level. Imagine my surprise when I see a 40 year-old staring back at me!