When You Think Your Daughter Might Have an Eating Disorder

Recently, after I finished giving a talk on how moms can be good body image role models for their daughters, I noticed a woman waiting to approach me. I smiled at her and she walked over. I could see the pain in her eyes when she said, "I don't know if this is something you know about, but..."

She then confided how worried she was about her college-age daughter. Always athletic, her mom said, lately, she's grown thinner and thinner. She's eating less, exercising more and she's obsessed with pinching a small bit of skin on her stomach and saying, "Look. Look at this." 

Whenever I write or speak as the author of You'd Be So Pretty If..., I always stress the fact that I'm not an eating disorders expert, nor am I necessarily an expert in how to overcome body image issues -- though I've interviewed many experts and women on the subject, and I've certainly had my own experiences. What I am is an expert at being a mom who spent a lot of time not feeling good about her body and now wants better for her daughter.

Although that woman may have been looking for expert advice, what she found was simply another compassionate mom. She was embarrassed and worried that her daughter's behavior was a reflection on something she'd done as a mother. She was frightened and afraid that she was going to lose her little girl in a downward spiral of body hatred.

I advised her to start by learning about the signs and symptoms of eating disorders, and to get a referral to someone in her area who she could talk to about what her daughter is going through. As moms, we don't want to believe that something as horrific as an eating disorder could happen to the child we've loved and raised.

But it can.

And we worry that it's our fault.

Today marks the beginning of Eating Disorders Awareness Week. This week is designed to call attention to eating disorders and body image issues, and to reduce the stigma surrounding them, according to the National Eating Disorders Association. If you're concerned about the behavior of a woman in your life (or your own), visit the resources section of the National Eating Disorders Association Web site. There, you'll find information, statistics and referrals to someone in your area who can help.

You'll also find stories of hope that remind us all that there is a way out of eating disorders.

Comments

[Sagan]

*shudders* I struggle with disordered eating to some extent and I'd hate for my mum to ever think that it were her fault; I grew up in the most loving home imaginable and I have a fantastic relationship with my whole family- but I guess that parents can't help but think that way, when it's your own kid.

Thanks for spreading the awareness about eating disorders. It's good that there's so much information and support out there to fight back against disordered eating.

[Dara Chadwick]

Sagan, you're right -- it's hard not to personalize things when you're a parent, especially when we're talking about behavior that we don't like in ourselves showing up in our children.

We always have to remember that while we're a strong influence, we're not the only one.