It's birthday time in our extended family (six of us have birthdays within a six-week span) and that means -- besides lots of cake -- lots of reflecting on where we've been and where we're going. Inevitably, someone will pull out a photo album and we'll all be amazed at how much the kids have grown and changed in just a few short years.
Photos of the adults show changes, too. But we don't always talk about those.
This morning, I was thinking that I was 17 when my mother was the age I am now. Given that I still feel 16 inside, that's a very strange thought to consider.
Then, I read articles like this one.
Apparently, for women, your 40s are a time to reflect wistfully on what was and to get comfortable with the idea of being invisible.
I'm here to personally dispel that notion.
When I think about aging, I do have a few regrets. First and foremost is that I wish I had been kinder to myself and my body throughout my teens, 20s and 30s. All that angst and pressure to make things -- including my body -- "just right" really served no purpose. Because in the end, things usually work out and if they didn't work out the way I thought I wanted them to, what I got was usually better than what I thought I wanted (extra points to you if you followed all that).
Getting older also means making peace with the choices I've made. At this point, it's a pretty safe bet that I won't be an Olympic figure skater. But that's OK. Narrowing the choices has helped rule out all the extraneous "could haves" and has brought me to the place I am.
It's a pretty good place.
I get asked a lot about how moms can model healthy attitudes toward aging for their daughters. Aging is such a loaded topic -- Botox or not? Go gray or color it? Sensible shoes or stilettos? -- and I think there's a range of positive choices within all those questions. In the end, it's attitude that matters most. When you hear yourself saying things like, "Kids today don't..." or "In my day, we..." or even the dreaded, "It's too late..." I think it's time to re-evaluate your attitude toward getting older.
For me, a positive attitude toward aging means, as always, taking the best care I can of the body I have today -- not engaging in unhealthy behaviors to try to get back to the one I had 20 years ago. But it also means staying open to possibilities. I may have narrowed my choices earlier in life and sure, some doors have closed.
But I like to think about all the doors that haven't even opened yet.
Hear, hear! I'm 40 and, as far as I'm concerned, 40 is the new 12! 'Cause that's about my maturity level, lol!
Those of us who have reached the 4th decade and beyond may well be invisible to certain people. But in my experience, those are the very people I try to avoid in the first place, so my cloak of 40+ invisibility actually comes in quite handy. I wouldn't be a 20-something again for ANYTHING. OK, if someone told me that I could have all the knowledge I have now AND it would bring about world peace, then I'd consider it. Maybe.
My 20's and even my 30's were a time of tumult: I was insecure, had eating disorders and panic attacks, very little stability in any aspect of my life, and lived in fear. No thanks!
Posted by: Alyssa | 03/01/2010 at 03:04 PM
Oh, I'm so glad there are other professional mothers who feel just like me :) AND You've been given a BEAUTIFUL BLOGGER AWARD! To claim it, go here: http://liveyourideallife.blogspot.com/2010/03/beautiful-blogger-award.html
xo,
Andrea
Posted by: Andrea Owen | 03/01/2010 at 03:23 PM
Alyssa, you crack me up -- "40 is the new 12!"
Your comment is full of wisdom and I completely relate to everything you've said.
Andrea, thanks! What a lovely surprise.
Posted by: Dara Chadwick | 03/01/2010 at 04:43 PM