Your Daughter Wants Plastic Surgery: What Do You Say?

I know what you're thinking: I say, "Hell, no."

And generally, that would be my response, too. But what if your child had a physical attribute that she really hated -- one that made it impossible for her to look at herself in the mirror and see anything but what she hates so much? Something she got bullied about or made fun of or sexually harrassed about?

Would it be a different story then?

For me, it might.

Take a look at this story on Tuesday's TODAY Show. Take a moment to watch the video.

Is your answer still the same?

I'm generally a fan of "flaws" -- after all, they're what make us us. But what about when a "flaw" becomes an object of shame or humiliation?

As moms, we want our girls to love themselves, just as they are. We want them to know that they don't have to change themselves for anybody.

It's a slippery slope, for sure, to think: "If I could just change this, I'd be happy."

It's one of those situations where it's hard to know what I'd do. For me, though, I think much would depend on the circumstances. Any wish along the lines of "I want to look more like...." would probably be a no. Ditto for "I wish my [insert body part] wasn't so..."

But "Every time I look at my [insert body part], I hate myself."

That might be a different story.

What do you all think? Are there circumstances in which you'd let your teenage daughter have plastic surgery?

 

Comments

[Harriet Brown]

I still say a resounding no. Every kid gets teased about something. What are we teaching our kids if we let them go under the knife--and risk dying--to "fix" themselves? We're telling them, in essence, that their appearance is indeed out of the norm and shameful.

None of these kids looked that out of the ordinary to me. Breast reductions do fall into a different category because of the physical pain and spinal deformation that can occur with very large breasts. But the other two--no way. The thing we need to be addressing is this horrible emphasis on appearance that is deforming today's culture. We should teach our kids media literacy and help them understand that looks do not define them. And if they want a nose job or an ear job when they're 25, OK then. Then they can make a truly informed decision. And then they have had a chance to get to know themselves thoroughly and develop some coping skills.

Because fixing the nose may feel great initially, but I'd bet that pretty soon there's another "defect" that needs to be "fixed."

[Dana]

I am very on-the-fence about this issue. For the most part, I think that we need to keep helping our children have a better sense of self-esteem about them. I just don't think that telling your daughter, for example, "ok, you don't like the size of your nose, so let's go get surgery to fix it." I don't think this is the right way to go about it. If it was a problem that was affecting a child's health to the point where surgery would help, I think that might be ok. But if it's something cosmetic, I just think that not telling our kids "no one is perfect, & you are beautiful just how you are" is wrong. Kids have it so hard these days as it is, & I believe that talking with them about these issues would help more. If counseling is needed, there's nothing wrong with that. Alternatives to surgery must be looked at first, & surgery should only be a very last resort.

[Alyssa]

I agree that we place FAR too much emphasis on appearance, and that, in most cases, allowing teens to have plastic surgery so they can "fit in" only exacerbates the problem. And I also agree that breast reduction, or surgery done so that health and quality of life is improved, is an entirely different story.
Counseling is imperative. In some cases, it's the parents who make their teen feel unattractive. It's awful! I think we need to teach kids AND parents that bullying isn't a right of passage; it's harassment, and it's wrong. And also, in many cases, illegal.

[Jami]

I don't see why people hate plastic surgery so much. I'd get it if I could afford it in a heartbeat. Long as you don't go overboard and you admit you've had it done. Let the kid get it.

The way I see it, when it comes to self esteem - sometimes it's like a pothole in the road. If the pothole (your self esteem) is blocked by a fallen tree (some physical part of yourself you hate) you have to remove the tree before you can fix the pothole.

I think I could deal with my self esteem problems a lot better if my double chin was gone and my breasts were reduced a half cup size and lifted so they aren't so saggy. If your daughter as a problem like a huge, mannish nose, or some bad scar, let her get plastic surgery.

[Alyssa]

Because self-esteem isn't about how we look. When we get surgery to fix one thing, the deeper problems still exist, because they aren't cosmetic. So we start fixating on a different area that we want to have "fixed." Then another, and another. Until we deal with the REAL issues, all the surgery in the world will never get us what we want.
Also, if we teach kids that it's OK to make fun of the way other people look, we condone bullying. And bullying can lead to suicide, like it did for that poor girl in Massachusetts.
There's actually a GREAT post today on "The 'F'Word" about bullying. Some real horror stories. they're hard to read, but definitely eye-opening. The things kids will do to other kids, including assault and rape, are awful, and most adults look the other way.

[Dara Chadwick]

What an interesting conversation! I'm grateful to all of you who chimed in.

[Los Angeles Rhinoplasty]

I would surely not allow my teenage daughter to undergo a plastic surgery even if I could afford it. I would rather be patient with her and teach her to accept her natural looks. After all it is one’s personality and inner beauty that makes a person beautiful. I would make her understand that she is a beautiful person because of her innate beauty.

[Plastic surgery Beverly Hills]

It really depends on the situation. If my daughter has defects which is really disturbing her that she gets embarassed too much, I will allow her to go through this. But If it's just as simple of, she wants to just look better, I won't allow her to do that. If you're pretty or doesn't look too bad, just be thankful, but if the situation is going to affect her life forever, I will definitely allow her...

[recepti.hr]

I would say it's the result of our good Plastic Surgeons.

[long island swimming pools]

What's the best plastic surgery clinic in Delhi?

[long island landscaping]

How should one raise money for plastic surgery ?

[new york payroll]

Low-calories regimen diets are also called balanced diets and they are the ones that nutritionists consider to be least harmful for one's general health.

[Ashley]

Maybe I don't have the right to answer this because I'm not yet a mother but I can imagine how a mother would feel about this. My mom is totally not in favor of the plastic surgery I want to have. Obviously, a lot of people saying absolutely not haven't been in high school lately. It's absolutely BRUTAL. Teenagers are so ruthless. I should know. I suffered from middle school on up with a flaw that haunts me 24/7, even today. I do love myself and I except my flaws but I'm haunted by one particular thing on my body. It would absolutely give me more confidence to create and finish more goals. I hope that mothers could see this point of view from there daughters. They may not have told you, but trust me, they've been tortured and terrorized.

[Atlanta Plastic Surgeon]

I would not say no...because that would want her to get it more.But I would rationalize with the logical fact that there is an age for everything and you land up looking older sometimes with a surgery.

[abdominoplasty]

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading your post and read the comments. Really a nice post here!

[nose job Philippines]

Plastic surgery is really in the market right now, there's no stopping anyone from wanting to get it. It's definitely wonderful that people are feeling more liberated about it now, and are getting these surgeries for their benefits. We won't see the quest for a more youthful look stopping any time soon.

aljur

[cosmetic surgery perth]

I will be very civil about it. Try to show her the pros and cons of her intended endeavor. Then I will show her the cost, so as to appeal for her sense of virtue.