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Can 'Healthy' Go Too Far?

I'm not a psychologist or an eating disorders expert.

But I know my fair share about being a woman who once hated her body and has now come to a place of self-acceptance and peace. I also know first-hand what it's like to raise a daughter and to worry that I've passed on a legacy of bad body feelings to her.

Most of you know by now that I'm all about balance. But balance isn't simply about getting all the right nutrients. It's also about recognizing that there's a place for treats in a healthy diet -- and that while exercise is important, there's also a time for resting.

I've ranted here before about how troubling I find the overzealous focus of the Health & Wellness Committee at my children's school -- the one that won't allow food in the classrooms for celebrations or as part of curriculum (Farewell, edible cell project). That's why I was thrilled to read this article by Dr. Dina Zeckhausen -- who is an eating disorders expert -- about "orthorexia," defined as "an obsession with eating only healthy food."

It's so important that our kids get the message that balance is a vital part of good health -- especially our girls, who in trying to be "good" girls who want to please us, can all too often take their behavior to the extreme.

I hope you'll take a moment to read Dr. Zeckhausen's article. I particularly loved the "donut vs. bagel" tip -- especially when her son applied it to a friendship.

What do you think? Can healthy go too far? How do you encourage your kids to make healthy, balanced choices?

Teachable Nutrition Moments

Recently, my daughter came home from school complaining that she's "always starving" by mid-morning at school and that she was embarrassed because her classmates could hear her stomach growling.

Ah...a teachable moment.

If you're a regular reader, you know I'm pretty hands-off when it comes to my kids and their food choices. I make every effort to set a good healthy eating example and I try to offer healthy choices at most mealtimes, but I don't micro-manage every bite that goes into their mouths. Food can too easily become a power struggle and it's one in which I simply refuse to engage.

Personally, I'm a big fan of lean protein, fruits and vegetables, and complex carbs, and my kids see me eat that way. Breakfast for me is often steel-cut oatmeal with blueberries, whole-grain toast with peanut butter or Greek yogurt with berries. They, however, tend to like the bagels, waffles and other carbs that burn off quickly.

We've had talks about energy and protein before. They probably know more about nutrition that the average kid does. But within reason, I still let them make their own choices.

So when my daughter complained of morning hunger, I took the opportunity to mention the value of lean protein one more time. OK, she said, she'd try it.

The next morning, she asked me to make her something "good" for breakfast, so I made her an egg white and veggie sausage sandwich on a whole-grain English muffin. When she came home from school that day, I heard the words that every mother of a 14-year-old longs to hear:

"You were right, mom."

For me, those are the best kind of victories -- those everyday moments when my kids try something new or make a healthy change all on their own. It's in those moments that they realize that what they eat and how they move affects how they feel. I could talk and talk until I can't talk anymore about the value of healthy eating...but nothing beats having my daughter decide on her own to make a healthy choice and really feel the difference in her energy level. 

It doesn't always happen this way. But when it does, there's just one word for it: Sweet.

That Burning Question: What's For Dinner?

A friend of mine was recently lamenting the fact that come dinnertime, she's unable to get a meal on the table that everyone wants to eat. Boy, can I relate.

So many studies have been done on the value of families eating dinner together. But between crazy schedules and picky eaters, pulling the family together for a sit-down meal can seem like an antiquated concept right out of the 1950s.

It's enough to make a mom want to tear her hair out.

But when I see a video like this, I realize how important it is that we never stop trying to model healthy habits for our kids.

The thing is, we have to give ourselves permission to re-define healthy habits from time to time. When things are hectic, it's OK to gather the family for a nice bowl of whole-grain cereal with sliced fruit. It still counts.

In our house, we do try to come together as a family for dinner, even if the hour is later than I'd like sometimes. But that time together is a great way to re-connect, polish our table manners and share a laugh or a kind word about the day's events.

As for the food itself, I try really hard to serve well-rounded choices. I know everybody won't always want to eat everything I make and I try hard to let go of any resentment about that. At every meal, I try to include at least one thing that everybody likes. We've also established the "have to try it" rule. If I make something new, you have to give it a try. You can take one bite and say, "I hate this" and get yourself some cereal. But that one bite has to happen and often, the kids will discover that they actually like a new food.

Sure, dinner requires some pre-planning. That may seem stressful, but I've actually found that thinking about "what's for dinner" in advance lessens my stress level. I shop better, spend less money and generally make healthier choices, too.

There are, of course, those nights when everything falls apart. On those days, I roll with the punches and pull out the cereal. After all, being flexible and resilient in the face of adversity -- even if that adversity is simply trying to get dinner on the table -- is a healthy example, too.

How about you? I'd love to hear your healthy dinner strategies for busy nights and picky eaters.

Eating Lessons: Forget Rules

Yesterday, I had an interesting conversation with my daughter about a school project she's working on. Her eighth-grade language arts class has been assigned to write a food memoir. The teacher has asked the students to choose a food that is meaningful to them and write about it, including their associations, feelings and history with the food (the only restriction is that it must be a food that the kids have participated in creating and they must share the recipe with the class).

I think it's a lovely project and it has the potential to be quite educational, too. After all, what better way to teach kids about the emotional power of food and eating than to have them examine those feelings?

We were talking about which food she might choose to write about and she mentioned the homemade frosting that I make for birthday cakes. I've always made the cakes for my kids' birthdays and I use a frosting recipe that my mother used to make when I was a kid. I remember sitting and watching her work, knowing that any leftover frosting would soon be mine to spread on a Ritz cracker.

I can still taste the delightful salty/sweet combo.

When I became the mom and began making the frosting for my own cakes, I introduced my kids to the frosted Ritz cracker -- and thus, a family tradition linked the generations.

Originally, the teacher had wanted the kids to prepare their foods and bring them in for the class to sample. But the overzealous health and wellness policy at my children's school has ruled that out. Apparently, the school thinks that if we don't remove all "inappropriate" foods from the cafeteria and classrooms, our children are doomed to a lifetime of obesity and bad habits.

Sigh.

So much of learning to make healthy choices is recognizing that it's your choice. That's why this post by The Fat Nutritionist really resonated with me. When we take away the choice, we make certain foods forbidden -- and that's not usually a good thing, especially for someone like me, who bristles at any sort of authority figure.

Yes, I let my children eat frosted Ritz crackers. And they usually devour one or maybe even two. But do they reach for a third? Not usually. Because frankly, the first bite or two is the best and then you pretty much start to feel ill.

But if I forbade those frosted crackers? I've seen firsthand what happens to kids who aren't allowed any sort of "bad" foods at home. When they get the chance to partake, they eat...and they eat...and they eat because they're never quite sure that they're going to get another chance.  

All things in moderation. And part of learning to moderate is understanding what happens -- and how lousy you feel -- when you go overboard.

Moms & Daughters: Tips for a Holiday Food Truce

With the holidays almost upon us, it's time for that annual tradition: The veiled (or not-so-veiled) criticism, passive-aggressive comments and "I'm just joking" teasing that often passes for mother-daughter communication during this time of year.

Whether you're an adult daughter heading home for the holidays or a mom concerned about her daughter's Christmas cookie habit, there's a good chance you'll hear something that makes you say, "What did she mean by that?" -- or, worse, makes someone else say that about you.

Here are a few bits to keep in mind this week:

• The only person you can control is you. If mom's pushing pie on you and you'd rather not partake, don't. It's that simple. On the flip side, mom, if you offer a treat and your daughter says, "No, thanks," try not to see it as a judgment of you, your cooking or your mothering. It's just pie.
• You don't have to voice every thought you have. If your daughter has, in fact, put on weight since the last time you saw her, trust me, she already knows. Telling her will just create bad feelings. On the flip side, daughter, if you've become a vegetarian since your last visit home, now is not the time to launch into a judgmental critique of your parents' meat-eating habits. Save it for another day.
• Watch the "helpful" suggestions that really aren't. Mom, if you're concerned about your daughter's weight, please don't say, "Wouldn't you rather have some nice salad?" when she reaches for the candied yams. If you don't want her to eat candied yams, just don't make them. No food should be off-limits to just one person at the table.
• Build the right kind of holiday memories. Alcohol, stress and fatigue can make many of us short-tempered and quick to speak. Remember that your words and actions are building memories -- do you really want your daughter to remember holiday dinners as events where she felt judged and not good enough? Trust her to make her own decisions about food and honor the person she is -- not just the outer package she comes in.

Kids and 'Bad Foods': What's the Real Danger?

I was speaking with another mom recently about the lunch program at our kids' school -- actually, we were talking about how much our kids hate the lunch program since it was "overhauled" by a well-meaning school wellness committee.

Gone are the fries and other assorted foods that someone has labeled "bad." In their place are veggies, whole-grain entrees and other assorted items labeled "good."

Let me start by saying that I wholeheartedly applaud the decision to offer healthy lunchroom choices. But here's what I don't applaud: The committee's decision to eliminate food in classrooms. That means no more birthday cupcakes, no more food-as-part-of-special-celebrations and no more food as a teaching tool.

Oh, dear. Where do I start?

As a parent who is working hard to teach her children about balance and moderation within the overall scope of healthy eating, I'm disturbed by the idea of teaching kids that certain foods are "bad" and certain foods are "good." How will they ever learn to decide for themselves? And I think many of us are well aware of what can happen when you make a food off-limits -- it suddenly becomes that much more appealing, doesn't it?

Last year, my daughter's science teacher did a unit on the parts of a cell. One assignment was to make an "edible cell" to share with the class. Kids came up with all kinds of creative ways to show the parts of a cell, some yummy and some not so much. This year, that project doesn't align with the new food guidelines.

I understand that childhood obesity is a problem. There are lots of kids out there who need direction in learning to make healthy choices. But choice is the key word in that sentence. When you're denied the opportunity to make choices, you don't learn to make them. And, too often, when you get the opportunity to have what you've been denied, moderation goes out the window. After all, who knows when the opportunity will come again?

What do you think, readers? How do you teach your kids about nutrition and healthy eating?

Pressure and Stress Eating at Psychology Today

Hi, all:

Today, I'm blogging about pressure and stress eating over at Psychology Today. See you back here on Monday.

Have a great weekend!