you'd be so pretty if...

Talking to Your Body (Part 1)

When's the last time you complimented your body on a job well done?

I thought so.

Too often, we're so caught up in what our bodies look like -- and all the ways we'd like to change them -- that we don't stop to appreciate what they can do. At long last, however, there's finally some scientific proof for what I've known since my days as Shape magazine's Weight-Loss Diary columnist: There is nothing that makes me feel better about my body than a little exercise.

It's not about reaching "goal weight." It's not about fitting into a smaller size. It's not even about a long-term plan for getting "fit." I'm talking about that immediate, in-the-moment feeling I used to get when I finished a workout. I felt strong, lean -- powerful -- and I didn't hate any part of my body.

I still get that feeling -- every time.

The University of Florida recently released a study backing me up. It found that the "simple act of exercising, not fitness itself" can make you feel better about your body.

I can relate to that.

But exercise can also help change the way we talk to our bodies. Simply put, it's hard to beat up on yourself after you've just run a mile or lifted a weight. No matter what else happens in your day, you know you've done something just for you, something that's going to make your body stronger and healthier.

It's a pretty powerful concept.

I'm constantly preaching exercise to the moms out there who've asked me "how can I learn to love my body?" Start with a walk. Pick up a light set of weights while you're watching TV. Do some push-ups. It doesn't have to be a formal gym workout or an hour-long commitment; the simple act of moving your body every day will have an amazing impact.

The bottom line is that exercise can transform the way you feel about your body. Notice I didn't say "transform your body" -- it's not about that. It's about appreciating your body and changing your relationship with it. 

In honor of Delta Delta Delta sorority's "Fat Talk Free Week," which begins Monday, I challenge my readers to do something physical every day. And if that little critical voice decides to speak up, feel free to tell it to shut up.

A Stretch for the Body -- and the Body Image

Well, after talking about it forever, I finally did it: Last night, I attended my first "Introduction to Yoga" class. Even though I've been working out for years, I have to say I was a bit intimidated.

As I walked up the stairs to the studio, I noticed all the negative thoughts running through my mind: I'm not flexible, I can't sit still, I'm going to look stupid and my personal favorite -- "I'm going to hate this." I'm not known for my patience, and the thought of being told to sit still and breathe has always filled me with dread.

Guess what? I found it challenging...but I didn't hate it.

In fact, I feel terrific this morning. After my back made a hideous series of snap, crackle and pop noises during a pose, it feels better than it's felt in a long time. And to say that I had the best night of sleep that I've had in a long time wouldn't be an overstatement.

So now, it's time to adjust those negative thoughts about myself and my body. How's this: I'm stretching beyond what I thought were my capabilities. I'm learning to quiet my mind and my body. I'm willing to stop judging myself and fearing that others will judge me. And my personal favorite? I'm willing to give myself -- and new things -- a chance.

When's the last time you tried something new or changed what you tell yourself about your body and its capabilities? Try it today...and let me know how it goes.

'The Power of Fitness -- For Life' at Psychology Today

Today, I'm blogging about "The Power of Fitness -- For Life" over at Psychology Today.

I'll see you back here on Monday with a brand-new post. Happy weekend!

When Do You Love Your Body?

This weekend, my daughter played in the first of a series of softball tournaments that will last just about all summer. I love watching her play. It's amazing to see the difference in her skill level from year to year. Her powerful swing at the plate, the speed with which she rounds the bases now -- she's learning to appreciate the athletic body that she's developed through playing softball.

It's a beautiful thing for a mom to watch. It's also something I can relate to personally.

In all the years that I struggled with my feelings about my body, there was always one time I could count on feeling good about it -- after a workout. There's something about the challenge of a workout that's always been a body image booster for me. Even at my heaviest, I always walked out of the gym or dance studio feeling pretty good about myself. Frankly, I think it's hard to feel down about a body that you've just challenged.

Not everybody feels that way, of course, and sometimes it's hard to explain. That's why I was so thrilled to read this interesting essay by Kelly Turner, a personal trainer, ex-bulimic and terrific blogger. There's a section in Kelly's essay that sums up exactly what I mean. She wrote about her work as a trainer: "...[People] start to feel better about themselves before they drop a single pound. They start to feel better for having made a healthy lifestyle change, sticking with something consistently anddoing something just for themselves. They discover they can be happy without hitting that goal, because the weight isn't the issue." 

Living a healthy lifestyle and taking care of the bodies we have is a big part of the message of my book,  You'd Be So Pretty If... For me, that's the key to being content with my body -- knowing that I'm taking good care of myself. I'm not talking about obsessive gym workouts or rigid eating plans. I'm talking about finding a physical activity that you simply enjoy. 

That's the behavior I want to model for my daughter -- and it's the behavior she's modeling for me. I love seeing her tired and happy after giving her best effort at a track meet or playing a demanding softball game. Like her mom, she's learning that putting her body to the test -- and meeting that challenge -- can help her feel great about the body she has. And watching her play a game she loves reminds me that a "workout" doesn't need to feel like work.

Where's Your Joy?

I'm a huge believer in the power of words -- in how what we say to ourselves about ourselves affects not only who we are today, but who we become tomorrow. Last night, I experienced an incident that's got me thinking about what I say to myself about exercise. Let me explain...

I was maneuvering my shopping cart through the crowded produce section at the grocery store when I rounded a corner and almost smacked into a little girl about three years old. She was standing right in the middle of the aisle, swaying her hips. Her mom saw me and quickly said, "Come on, honey. Move over."

Nothing. She didn't budge.

Her mom grew more insistent. "Come over here now," she said. "You're in the lady's way."

The girl looked at me, then at her mother and said -- in a most exasperated tone -- "Mama...I have to dance."

As I walked away, still laughing, I thought about the last time I'd felt that kind of joy about moving my body. I usually talk about my "workout" -- When am I going to fit in my workout today? Only five more reps and I'm done with my workout. The very word "work" makes it all sound so unappealing, doesn't it?

That little girl reminded me that there was a time when I'd cartwheel and back-flip just because I loved the dizzy sensation. A time when I'd run because I loved the sound the air made as it rushed past my ears. I still love a great dance class, a walk down to the beach at sunset or even a brisk run when I'm in the mood. Those are the times when my "workout" doesn't feel like work at all.

What a great reminder to find the joy in moving our bodies...and that when the joy is gone and exercising is just a chore, it's time to mix it up with something new. If your workout's gone stale, I challenge you to try something new, or revisit something you used to enjoy (ballet class? hula hooping? kickball?). Better yet, how about a game of backyard whiffle ball with the kids?

You might just amaze yourself with how much you love moving your body again.

Re-thinking Fitness

Can you hear that? It's the collective sound of mothers everywhere, trying to figure out what to do with the kids during the February school break. Frankly, I've never understood this vacation -- it hasn't been that long since the holidays and really, it seems quite cruel to give kids a week off during one of the coldest (depending on where you live, of course) months of the year.

Where I live, February often brings not only whipping winds and bone-chilling cold, but also a healthy dose of snow -- or, my particular favorite, freezing rain. Telling the kids to go outside and play usually isn't an option. That's why I've got a confession to make that just might brand me a bad mom.

I love our Wii.

Though I'll never be convinced that it's on par with running around outside, it does my heart good to see my son practicing his baseball swing instead of planted on the couch in a glassy-eyed, thumb-pushing frenzy of Playstation 2 games. I know it's still a video game, but at least there's some movement associated with it. As it turns out, video-games-for-fitness is something of a trend at YMCAs and schools across the country.

Most of the parents I know do a fair bit of lamenting about how things aren't the same for our kids as they were for us -- they don't roam the neighborhood with their friends, ride their bikes til the streetlights come on or play whiffle ball with a pack of kids at the playground. But I often wonder if we would have either, had we had all these channels, Web sites and video games available to us.

I think the healthy answer to all this lies somewhere in the middle. I'm a huge proponent of leading by example, so my kids will see me work out this morning...and if the weather warms up, I'll suggest an afternoon walk down to the beach or a game of driveway basketball. If not? I smell a them-against-me Wii bowling tournament in the works.

Their exercise may not always look like the exercise I remember from my childhood. But as long as they're moving, I'll take it.

Let's Talk About Sex

As an avid exerciser who's always looking to change up her routine, I'm constantly on the lookout for new ideas and ways to challenge and improve my fitness level. Some workouts are fantastic new finds, some are laughable and some just make me scratch my head and say, "Hmmm." Such was the case with the press release that landed in my inbox yesterday for a new workout from self-described "entertainer turned fitness guru" Tera Patrick. Its title? "Fit 4 Sex."

I'll admit I was intrigued.

It's no secret that improving your fitness level and feeling good about your body can have, ahem, positive effects on your romantic life. But Patrick promises so much more than that. According to the release, Fit 4 Sex is "a stimulating blend between a sex position guide and work out routine designed to attain your best body for sexual fulfillment."

OK, I had to look (and you know you want to). What I found was a workout description featuring several blush-inducing illustrations and exercises with creative names such as "The Last Gal Standing," "Frisky Kitty" and -- good heavens! -- "Pull My Daisy." 

Yes, I'm giggling right now. I never said I was mature. 

But given that I just wrote a post this week about my daughter's increasing awareness of how sex is used to sell products, I can only hope that she isn't reading this post. I wouldn't want to have to explain these poses to my children if either one walked in during a workout.

Still, Patrick's theory about the connection between body image and healthy sexuality raises an interesting point. What effect does body image have on teenage girls and their decisions about having sex?

Come on, you knew I was going to bring it back to this.

Consider this quote from A Generation Under Stress, a report by Girlguiding UK and the Mental Health Foundation:  

"Premature sexualisation and pressure to grow up too quickly emerged as two of the key influences on girls’ emotional well-being and mental health. Sexual advances from boys, pressure to wear clothes that make them look too old and magazines and websites directly targeting younger girls to lose weight or consider plastic surgery were identified as taking a particular toll."

Sure, all girls (and boys, too!) are feeling the pressure to grow up faster and faster these days. But is a girl who feels good about her body and herself more or less likely to have sex?

I'm sure I'm not the only one who knows a girl or two whose behavior seems driven by feelings of worthlessness. I also once knew a girl whose boyfriend constantly put her down and tried to make her feel that nobody else could possibly love her. But plenty of girls are also taught that their value is in their physical appearance  -- and being sexually desired is proof positive of that value.

To me, a healthy body image goes hand in hand with a healthy respect for yourself -- and the ability to make good decisions based on your own feelings, not on what someone else is telling you to feel about yourself. It's also caring enough about yourself to gather facts and protect yourself from bad situations. As a parent, I know there are some decisions I can't make for my children -- even though I wish I could. But I can do my best to help them develop a healthy respect for themselves and for others.

What do you think about all this?

A Beautiful Mind

I do my best writing mid-morning (read: post coffee), but I've found that if I work out before sitting down at my desk, two or three hours of writing practically fly by. I've also found that if I get stuck mid-paragraph, a quick break to take a walk with my dog often shakes an idea or two loose. For me, a set of jumping jacks usually works better than a caffeine boost to get the mind going again.

 

It turns out there's some science behind my habits and the good news is it works for kids, too. As I was flipping through my Sunday paper yesterday, I came across this article in the latest issue of Parade magazine. According to the piece, not only do fit kids achieve at a higher academic level, but fit girls demonstrated even greater achievement than boys.

 

Think there's no connection? Check out what John Medina, author of Brain Rules, has to say about exercise and our brains.

 

Fascinating, isn't it? Then again, I'm kind of a brain geek.

 

I love studies like these because they give us moms another weapon in our arsenal when trying to keep our kids active. When we can point to a long list of health benefits, we can help our girls see that exercise isn't all about simply striving for a beautiful body or some unattainable ideal. It's about feeding and building a fit and beautiful mind.

 

All I know is this: The next time my daughter's frustrated by her algebra homework, I might just suggest a quick walk around the block together. Couldn't hurt, right?